I have failed to post in so long that I promise to make no promises about future blog posts...I hope to be more regular about posting, but please don't expect too much. I am, of course, a procrastinator...the first step is admitting there's a problem, right?!
Anyway...Life has not slowed down. I was blogging about the steps of pursuing adoption and I am caught in the middle of our current adoption process. We are through the beginning of the process and are now in the waiting...We had the physicals, filled out mounds of papers, went to a class, had background checks, approved the draft of our home study, approved the biography that will be shown to perspective birth parents, and now...we wait. We are currently in our second month of waiting...What are we waiting for? We are waiting to be selected by a birth family. How does this process work? Here it is...
Our agency put together a lovely biography with information and photographs we provided. It truly is lovely. It describes each of us, our relationship with each other, our families, Jayce, our friends, our jobs and education, our upbringing, our parenting styles, our relationship with Jayce's birth mom...basically anything that tells about who we are. We were very pleased with the way this turned out. With our agency, the selection process goes like this. Birth moms/parents contact the agency and are counseled and asked a series of questions. I don't have many details about the intake of birth families, but I know there is some screening and Q&A. At some point the agency compares the birth family's list of adoptive family traits to the adoptive families that are waiting. Then, they select about 3 family's biographies to send to the birth family. From those three biographies, the birth family either chooses to meet with/talk on the phone with one or all of them or asks for another set of biographies. The process goes on until the birth family has decided on an adoptive family to meet or talk with. The agency makes contact with the selected family and preparations begin for the meeting or phone call. The relationship begins and either succeeds or fails. Once committed to a match, the families begin to share information and/or visit with each other. They make a plan about what happens at the hospital, future meetings, and the sharing of information.
It is my understanding that when a birth family selects you, you still have the ability at any point in time to say no to the family that has selected you. It is all sort of precarious with no one being "required" to commit 100% to anything. There is a risk from the birth family side that the adoptive family they have chosen won't follow through or be supportive. They also must be scared of being rejected by the adoptive family. I cannot imagine the fear they must wrestle when selecting a family to raise their child. I don't know the courage that must be required to decide to trust your baby to the care of a family that you've only recently met. The risk the adoptive family faces is also difficult. They often wonder if the family they have become so attached to will ultimately make the decision to place their baby after he/she is born. There is no avoiding this risk...I think it is a recurring thought in the back of each adoptive family's mind until finalization day arrives.
My husband and I have the utmost respect for Jayce's tummy mommy. We love her as part of our family. We stand in awe of her selflessness. We jump at the chance to spend time with her and her family. We thank God every night for her and we remind Jayce that she loves him, too.
So...as we wait for our next miracle, pray with us. Pray for our next baby, his/her birth family, our adoption agency and the wonderful ladies who work day in and day out to protect, educate, and make families happen. Pray also for the other adoptive couples who are waiting with us and the birth families that will make a very difficult decision in the coming days. Pray that God's love would shine through us as we wait for our match!